Why Empathy is the Heart of Hospitality

You know, thinking back to my early days behind front desk, there's one moment that sticks with me like a stubborn bit of gum on a shoe. A weary traveler stumbled in late one night—soaked from one of those unpredictable Wellington downpours. Instead of just handing over a key and sending him off to his room, I decided to start with offering a warm towel and a hot cuppa. That smile that spread across his face wasn't then just gratitude for the hot beverage; it was relief that someone actually saw him and put them first.

That's when it hit me: empathy isn't just a nice-to-have in our line of work—it's the whole darn point.

The Historical Thread

If you look back, hospitality has always been about more than just a place to rest. Even centuries ago, those inns and lodges weren't just commercial establishments; they were sanctuaries.

Here in New Zealand, the concept of manaakitanga is deeply rooted in our history. Manaakitanga, in Māori culture, represents the process of showing respect, generosity, and care for others. It's not just a word; it's a way of life that's been passed down through generations.

Back in the day, Māori communities would welcome travelers—even strangers—with open arms. There are countless stories of iwi (tribes) providing food, shelter, and protection to those in need, without expecting anything in return. It wasn't about transactions; it was about building relationships and showing kindness. One of the most poignant examples is the story of Te Whiti o Rongomai and Tohu Kākahi, leaders of the Parihaka settlement in the 19th century. When government forces invaded Parihaka in 1881, instead of responding with hostility, the villagers greeted the soldiers with songs, food, and hospitality. Children offered fresh bread, and women sang. Despite facing oppression, they responded with empathy and kindness—a powerful testament to the enduring spirit of manaakitanga.

Even the iconic hotels of the early 20th century, like the Grand Hotel in Auckland or the Chateau Tongariro, were built not just as places to stay but as experiences that embodied the welcoming spirit of New Zealand. They became landmarks where stories were shared, cultures mingled, and everyone—from the bellhop to the manager—understood the importance of making each guest feel at home.

The Heartbeat of Guest Experience

Let’s be honest—guests aren’t usually short of options for a night’s stay or a hearty meal. What keeps them coming back is that feeling of being genuinely cared for. I remember a time when a guest casually mentioned that her daughter was anxious about an upcoming exam. The standard response would have been to wish her well, but empathy calls for more. We asked ourselves, "What would it take to ease her nerves?" In her room, we placed a card with some comforting treats, mentioned that we had arranged her stay away from other noisy guests to ensure peace, and included extra sachets of her favorite hot chocolate. To top it off, the team signed a card with encouraging words, reminding her she’d do great in the exam. That family didn’t just have a nice stay—they became regular guests. Empathy bridges the gap between service and care, creating connections that bring people back.

In Handling Complaints

Ah, the not-so-sunny side of hospitality—the complaints. Empathy is by far the most important ingredient when dealing with them. Whether it's the Hilton's art of hospitality or Accor’s training modules, leading with empathy is what they all have in common.

I remember one evening when a guest was absolutely livid about the noise from a neighboring room. She came down, fuming, saying she hadn't slept a wink. Instead of jumping into explanations or excuses, I took a deep breath and really listened. "That sounds incredibly frustrating," I said. "I can't imagine how tough that must have been, especially when you're here on business and need your rest."

Her shoulders eased a bit, and she seemed less on edge. By acknowledging her experience without deflecting, she felt heard. We quickly arranged a quieter room, offered a complimentary breakfast, and by the end of her stay, she left us a glowing review. Funny how that works, isn't it?

Another time, a family was upset because their tour booking through us had been mixed up, and they'd missed out on visiting a key attraction. Instead of pointing fingers or getting tangled in the details, I expressed genuine regret. "I remember how excited your kids were, and it’s very unfair that you’ve had to miss out on this experience." By showing that I was just as disappointed as they were, it opened the door to finding a solution together.

Instead of leaving with a bitter taste, empathy will turn upset guests into your venue's biggest advocates. In fact, addressing issues with empathy often leaves a more lasting impression than if nothing had gone wrong at all.

Leading with Empathy: A Manager's Perspective

Managing a team isn't all sunshine and rainbows—trust me, I've had my fair share of stormy weather. But over the years, I've come to realize that leading with empathy isn't just beneficial; it's essential for building a team that's resilient, committed, and genuinely happy.

A while back, one of our star hotliers, Mark, started showing up late, missing details, and his usual spark just wasn't there. The easy route would have been to write him up or give him a stern talking-to. But I remembered the times when I was struggling and how a little understanding made all the difference.

So, I invited him to grab a flat white at the café around the corner. As we sat overlooking the harbour, I simply asked, "Hey Mark, I've noticed you've seemed a bit off lately. Everything okay?" He hesitated at first but then opened up about some personal issues he was facing—a sick family member, financial stress, the whole nine yards.

We brainstormed together on how we could adjust his schedule to alleviate some of the pressure. We arranged for flexible hours and connected him with some resources that could help. Within weeks, Mark was not only back to his old self but even more engaged than before. He later told me that knowing the team had his back meant the world to him.

Leading with empathy means recognizing that our team members are human beings with lives beyond the workplace. It’s about creating an environment where they feel safe to share their struggles and know that they'll be met with support, not judgment.

It's like that old saying, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Cheesy? Maybe. True? Absolutely. When your team feels valued and understood, they're more likely to go the extra mile—not because they have to, but because they want to.

Cultivating Empathy in Future Hospitality Leaders

To all the budding hospitality professionals out there, I get it—the industry's changing faster than a Tui can snatch your chips at the beach. With all the apps, automation, and what-have-you, it's easy to get caught up in the tech whirlwind. But let's not forget that at its core, our industry is about people connecting with people.

So how do you cultivate empathy? Start by listening more than you speak. Pay attention to the small cues—a hesitant glance, a tired sigh—and respond to them. It's not always about grand gestures; sometimes, it's the simple act of acknowledging someone's presence that makes all the difference.

Challenges in Upholding Empathy Today

I'll admit, sometimes I worry. With all the self-check-in kiosks and chatbots, are we losing that personal touch? There's a part of me that's uncertain about where we're headed. But then I see one of a young hotelier go out of their way to help a guest, and my hope is rekindled.

Is it possible to embrace technology without sacrificing empathy? I sure hope so, but it's something we need to be mindful about every day.

Embracing Our Roots While Looking Ahead

We have a unique opportunity here in Aotearoa to blend our rich traditions with the future of hospitality. Let's harness the spirit of manaakitanga and ensure that empathy remains at the forefront of what we do. After all, it's part of our Kiwi identity to be welcoming and warm-hearted.

At the end of the day, empathy isn't just a skill—it's the very essence of hospitality. It's what turns a good service into a memorable one, a team into a family, and a job into a passion.

So, let's keep that flame of genuine care burning bright, team New Zealand.

Until next time.