Why Empathy is the Heart of Hospitality
Right then, let's talk about something absolutely fundamental to what we do, something that sits right at the core of truly great hospitality here in Aotearoa. It’s empathy.
You know, thinking back over the years – countless check-ins, check-outs, busy dinner services, quiet moments in the lobby – certain memories just stick. One that always comes to mind happened years ago when I was working the front desk in Wellington. It was one of those classic southerly nights – rain bucketing down, wind howling like mad. This poor chap stumbled through the doors, absolutely soaked through, looking utterly miserable and frankly, a bit lost.
The standard procedure would be key card, directions to the lift, maybe a polite smile. But seeing him standing there, dripping and shivering, something else kicked in. Before thinking too much, I grabbed a fresh, warm towel from the back and offered him a hot cuppa while his details were processed. The look on his face... it wasn't just relief from the cold; it was the sheer gratitude of being seen, of having his immediate discomfort acknowledged and cared for.
That moment crystallised something for me: empathy isn't just a soft skill or a 'nice-to-have' in our industry. It’s the absolute heart of it. It’s the difference between providing a service and truly looking after someone.
It's Woven into Our Fabric
This isn't a new idea, especially not here. If you look at the roots of hospitality in New Zealand, you find manaakitanga. It’s a powerful Māori concept, meaning so much more than just 'hospitality'. It embodies respect, generosity, kindness, and the profound responsibility of caring for others – visitors, guests, even strangers. It’s about uplifting their mana, making them feel valued and welcomed.
Historically, Māori communities practised this inherently, offering food, shelter, and warmth without expectation. Think about the story of Parihaka in the 1880s – facing armed constabulary, the people responded not with aggression, but with offers of food and songs of peace. That profound commitment to treating others with dignity, even in the face of adversity, speaks volumes about the depth of this principle. It’s a legacy we can all draw inspiration from in our modern hotels and restaurants. The grand old establishments, the Chateau Tongariros of our past, weren't just buildings; they were places built on this welcoming spirit.
Creating Genuine Connections
Let’s face it, in today’s world, people have endless choices. What makes them choose us again? What turns a pleasant stay into a cherished memory they share with others? It’s rarely just the fancy amenities or the perfectly cooked steak (though those certainly help!). It's the feeling. The feeling of being understood, anticipated, and genuinely cared for.
I remember a guest mentioning off-hand how anxious her daughter was about a big exam the next day. It would have been easy to offer a quick "good luck" and move on. But that little flicker of empathy prompted more. Our team put together a small care package – just some comforting local chocolate, maybe a nice herbal tea known for calming nerves, and a simple, handwritten note wishing her daughter the very best. We also made sure their room was tucked away in a quieter section. It wasn't much, really. But at check-out, the mother was close to tears, saying how much that small gesture meant, how it eased their stress and made them feel incredibly looked after, almost like family.
That's the magic, isn't it? Empathy allows us to bridge the gap between performing tasks and creating meaningful experiences. It’s the invisible ingredient that fosters loyalty far more effectively than any points program.
Turning Complaints into Opportunities
Ah, the less glamorous side of our industry—the complaints. But here's the thing: empathy is your most powerful tool when handling them.
I remember an evening when a guest was fuming because noise from a neighboring room had kept her awake. Instead of diving into excuses or shifting blame, I took a moment to genuinely listen. "That must have been incredibly frustrating," I told her. "I’m so sorry you had to experience that, especially when a good night's sleep is so important."
Her tense expression softened. By acknowledging her feelings without deflecting, we opened a pathway to resolution. We promptly moved her to a quieter room and offered a complimentary breakfast. She left us a glowing review, not because everything was perfect, but because she felt heard and valued.
Addressing issues with empathy doesn't just resolve the immediate problem—it builds trust and loyalty that carries forward. Sometimes, a well handled hiccup leaves a more lasting impression than if your guest had a flawless stay.
Okay, let's talk about the sharp end – complaints. No one enjoys them, but they happen. And honestly, empathy is probably your most vital tool when navigating these tricky waters.
Picture this: a guest approaches the desk, clearly upset. Noise from next door ruined their sleep. The instinct might be to get defensive, quote policy, or minimise the issue. But the empathetic approach? Start by truly listening. Put yourself in their shoes. "That sounds incredibly frustrating," you might say, and mean it. "Getting a good night's sleep is so important, and I'm genuinely sorry that was disrupted for you."
You can often see the tension visibly ease in someone when they feel truly heard and validated. Acknowledging their feeling first, before jumping to solutions, changes the entire dynamic. From there, finding a resolution – moving their room, offering a sincere apology perhaps with a gesture like complimentary breakfast – becomes a collaborative process, not a confrontation. Often, handling a problem with genuine empathy can leave a more positive lasting impression than if the stay had been completely uneventful. It builds trust.
Leading with Heart
This principle extends beyond our guests, right into how we manage our own teams. Hospitality can be demanding – long hours, high pressure, unexpected challenges. Leading with empathy isn't about being 'soft'; it's about being smart and human.
I recall a time with a usually stellar team member, let's call him Mark. He started becoming uncharacteristically late, seemed distracted, his usual energy just wasn't there. The procedural response might have been a formal warning. Instead, I asked him if he fancied grabbing a quick coffee. Away from the hustle, I gently mentioned I'd noticed he wasn't quite himself and asked if everything was okay.
He eventually shared some personal difficulties he was facing outside of work. By listening without judgment and understanding the pressure he was under, we could work together on temporary adjustments to his roster and point him towards some support resources. Within weeks, Mark was back, not just performing well but more committed than ever. He later said that knowing his manager actually cared about him as a person, not just an employee, made all the difference. When our teams feel supported and understood, they bring their best – not out of obligation, but out of genuine engagement. Good sorts thrive when they know someone's got their back.
Staying Human in a Tech World
It's a valid concern – with the rise of apps, self-service kiosks, and automation, are we risking the dilution of genuine human connection in hospitality? It's something I think about. Technology offers incredible efficiencies, no doubt, but we must be vigilant about not letting it replace the core of what we do.
How do we nurture empathy in ourselves and our teams? It starts with conscious effort. Practice active listening – really hearing what someone is saying (and sometimes what they aren't saying). Pay attention to body language, to tone of voice. Encourage staff to take that extra moment, to make eye contact, to ask a follow-up question. It’s often the small, seemingly insignificant interactions that build rapport and show genuine care.
Our Kiwi Advantage
Here in New Zealand, we have this incredible foundation of manaakitanga to build upon. Let's lean into it. Let's ensure that as our industry evolves, we don't lose sight of the warmth, the generosity, the genuine care that should define a Kiwi welcome.
Because at the end of the day, empathy isn't just part of hospitality – it is hospitality. It's the invisible thread that connects us, builds loyalty, motivates teams, and turns a simple stay or meal into something truly special.
So, let's keep that flame of genuine care burning bright, team New Zealand.
Until next time.
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About the Author
Joshua Thomas is the founder of Hospo HR, an experienced hotelier, and an advocate for New Zealand's vibrant hospitality sector. Always immersed in the latest hospitality trends, news, and updates, his passion stems from his lifelong love as a devoted foodie. Connect with Joshua and his community of hospitality professionals.
